It’s Been a Minute!

Oh my, it has been a while since I have been able to write. Part of the reason comes from the blessing of sobriety and having spent the last year working 53 hours a week and building more financial stability. The other part is working the last 13 months for 53 hours a week with a 2-hour daily commute while maintaining a home and being available to all six of my children. When I took this most recent job, I thought I was entering into something truly wonderful. What I learned over time was that I had unfortunately entered into a toxic environment that would damage my spirit and try to steer me away from my values and core beliefs. I was losing myself.

I already had an interview today and was offered the job! I asked for a day or two to decide as I have another interview tomorrow that I am equally excited about. God is good. I feel excited and scared all at the same time but the feeling that takes center stage is peace. My insides are not all knotted up today and there is an overwhelming sense of hope.

Over the last several months, in an attempt to repair my spirit, I began to read again and listen to podcasts on my hour drive to work and again on my hour drive home. I began to realize that I was very unhappy, and a change needed to be made. I valued myself more than to allow myself to continue to remain in such a toxic environment. I started to dream about what it was I wanted to do with my life and what I wanted the next five to ten years to look like. I had doubts, got scared, second guessed every thought but always felt a pull in my heart to be brave and make a change. I left that toxic place yesterday and the relief and peace I feel is indescribable. There is a small amount of sadness due to the fact that I worked with my brother and two sons, but I know I did the right thing and that they too will do whatever it is that is in the best interest of themselves and their families.

I think as a society we are all too often programed to forget who we are and what we are about in the interest of fitting in to the norms. I have such a hard time understanding that. Why would I want to fit in with people who speak ill of others or use power simply to control? Why would I want to be a part of a group of people that does not support the achievements of those in the group or take any accountability for any adverse behaviors? What really turns my insides out is when certain people are held at a different standard or there are two sets of rules for the exact same group with the exact same goals. Why do we allow this in workplaces or school settings or even social groups? And is it me or is it not that the individual who speaks up for what’s right and just, is the one who is shunned? This I believe is the truest when the individual speaking up is a woman!!!

I did not work this hard to become and stay sober, repair all my relationships, change myself and my life to endure any sort of spirit breaking, be it in the workplace or in my personal life. I work every day to do the next right action and to be accountable for my actions and I want the same to hold true around me. I try very hard to instill this concept in my children as well as teaching them that they deserve only the most fair and just treatment by those they interact with!