A PAIN LIKE NO OTHER

It is amazing how one can believe they have felt the deepest pain and sat in the darkest moments, only to realize there was more deep pain and more dark moments that would have to be visited. I have been in such deep physical and emotional pain for the last four weeks and there are few words to express how it has shaken me.

I have had to dig so deep some days to find the continued strength to stay sober, to continue going to work and to continue functioning as an adult! I’m still struggling with eating and have had to now speak with my medical doctor regarding the situation. Days continue to go by without me eating. Every few days I will have some jello or applesauce but I just don’t want to eat anything.

The nightmares and daily flashbacks continue and it feels like I am being re-traumatized on a daily basis. I am incredibly sad daily and it has become very difficult to hide it. I have all these memories and traumas swirling around in my mind and no one to talk with about it. Writing helps me some but not enough and I feel like I’m just drowning under water. There are literally moments when I feel like I can’t breathe!

I am beginning to wonder if healing is possible. Will I ever become whole again? Can I somehow heal that young girl inside of me and bring her back to life. It seems impossible right now.