STOP TELLING ME TO GET OVER IT!

Today I find myself rather angry and frustrated with other’s perceptions and thoughts about my recovery journey. I came across this post from Dr. Doyle and just yelled, “YES!” It felt so good and so validating to read something; especially from a professional, that resonated so deeply with me. I am having such a hard time with other people who cannot possibly understand what I have been through, telling me how to get past it. The people in my life have not experienced the things I have, so how can they speak on it? This is not just friends or family but professionals that I am working with.

I don’t know that I think this is in any way coming from a bad place and perhaps the things they are saying are in their minds helpful advice, but I guess I wish they would stop and think. How would they receive such comments or advice if the tables were turned? How can they possibly understand what being abused to the extent I was, does to a person? Sometimes I just feel that I am not being heard or supported or validated and that sparks my trust issues to resurface.

Some days are going to be easier than others. I ride a roller coaster every single week having highs and lows throughout the week. I try to stay on the “up”, but the reality is that I have to work each and every single day to not live in the “low”. I am not the same person I was before the abuse or even the person that I was meant to be, and life is not able to be approached the same way for me as for those that have not endured what I have. I feel that I am beginning to find my way. I am in a far better place than I was before I got sober seven years ago and even better than three years ago, two years ago. I believe it is really going to take time for me.

Sometimes I feel forgiving and other times I most definitely feel nothing but rage, and I believe that it is not only normal, but it is okay. I do realize that I have to be careful with how long I allow myself to sit with my trauma, my anger and rage because I can easily be drawn into a very dark place, but I also know that when I try to pretend that I don’t have those thoughts and emotions, I am in just as bad of a place. Sometimes I need to be validated or validate myself in what happened and how it affected me. I cannot simply forgive and forget the 40+ years of abuse that I endured, and I don’t think it is fair for anyone to expect me to.