PHYSICAL ILLNESS AND MENTAL HEALTH

After working on my mental health over the last year and making a decision to change careers, I have faced some roadblocks that are knocking my mental health backwards. I have been physically ill for a while now, but it has become much worse, and I am undergoing surgery soon. I was in the ER the other night in some of the worst pain that I have ever been in and the way my concerns were greeted left me feeling frustrated, defeated and hopeless. I am understanding of the fact that the emergency department was limited in what they could do because the underlying issue is to be addressed in surgery, but I guess I feel that a little empathy could have gone a long way for my mental health.

I have learned throughout my lifetime how important kindness is and the fact that we never know what is going on in someone else’s life. It is so important that we engage with others with kindness and compassion. What that emergency room nurse did not know was how my life has changed drastically over the last two months. I went from almost being an empty nester who was starting a new career to having my daughter and severely autistic grandson move in with me in the midst of my studying for and taking my state license exam all while my physical health was deteriorating.

What she didn’t understand was that I was in worse pain than I had even experienced in childbirth six times! Or that I haven’t slept through the night in at least six months. She didn’t know that for a year I have been working painfully hard on my trauma and trying to get my mental health in a great place and that has been challenging and exhausting. I just needed someone to be kind, to listen and show an ounce of compassion. Instead, I felt like I made a mistake by going into the ER, I felt sad and alone and very much unheard in terms of my reason for being there.

It has been extremely challenging as it is not to fall back into the deep depression I was in a year ago because of everything I am dealing with right now. That interaction just fed into the depression and helpless/hopelessness I am already battling with. I have to remind myself that I have survived 100% of my days so far and I will get through all this as well. I just wish people would be kinder and show more compassion.