Diane Marie

PHYSICAL ILLNESS AND MENTAL HEALTH

After working on my mental health over the last year and making a decision to change careers, I have faced some roadblocks that are knocking my mental health backwards. I have been physically ill for a while now, but it has become much worse, and I am undergoing surgery soon. I was in the ERContinue reading “PHYSICAL ILLNESS AND MENTAL HEALTH”

I DECIDE FROM NOW ON

I have long struggled with what other people think. How they believe I should feel, think, act, look, behave, ect… I am honestly tired of that and have found that it only ends up hurting me. No one can know me better than I know myself. No one has walked in my shoes or experiencedContinue reading “I DECIDE FROM NOW ON”

JUMP, TAKE A RISK!

I did it! I leapt; I’m taking a risk! I am currently enrolled in school to get my state license as an independent health insurance agent, and I will be starting my own business. A completely new career. I am for the first time in my life, following my dreams and I have to sayContinue reading “JUMP, TAKE A RISK!”

AFRAID OF WHAT’S THROUGH THERE

It can be very frightening to trust that what is through there, through the darkness, on the other side is going to be something wonderful. I think it can be even more of a challenge if in the past, what was on the other side, turned out to be hurtful or damaging to the mind,Continue reading “AFRAID OF WHAT’S THROUGH THERE”

THAT VERSION OF HER IS DEAD

It has taken a long time but the person I used to be is gone and I will do everything in my power to never let her back. She was so broken from years of unimaginable abuse. That brokenness produced a very angry, hurtful, deceitful person. Her brokenness led her to seek comfort in drugsContinue reading “THAT VERSION OF HER IS DEAD”

TIRED OF MAKING MYSELF SMALL

Seems that I have spent my whole life making myself into whatever it was that I thought would allow me to be noticed, to be worthy, and to be lovable and I am done doing that now. I have made myself weak, helpless, sick, perfect, thin, obedient and so many more things that I didn’tContinue reading “TIRED OF MAKING MYSELF SMALL”

AN ESCAPE TO RESET

Sometimes while on the healing journey, you unintentionally go running at full speed into a brick wall. It’s not like you did this on purpose at all. You’re running because you are feeling energetic and excited about the journey, and things are going well. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, BAM, full forceContinue reading “AN ESCAPE TO RESET”

Sometimes you have to let go

Sometimes you just have to realize that you’re not going to get the support and it’s going to hurt like hell. There comes a point when you have to realize that you have done all you can do to reach out, to be honest, to ask for what you need and you’re just not goingContinue reading “Sometimes you have to let go”

STOP TELLING ME TO GET OVER IT!

Today I find myself rather angry and frustrated with other’s perceptions and thoughts about my recovery journey. I came across this post from Dr. Doyle and just yelled, “YES!” It felt so good and so validating to read something; especially from a professional, that resonated so deeply with me. I am having such a hardContinue reading “STOP TELLING ME TO GET OVER IT!”

SILENTLY SUFFERING

I often wonder what it would feel like to be surrounded by people who care and have people to turn to for support in times of difficulty. I have mastered the art of surviving on my own as well as alone, but I do wonder how it would feel if that wasn’t the case. IContinue reading “SILENTLY SUFFERING”

BREATHTAKING HEARTACHE

Being a parent has to be the hardest thing one can do. If it doesn’t pain you then I don’t think you’re doing it right. The older your babies get, the harder it is and the more you realize you have no idea what you’re doing. When they are little, the worries are kind ofContinue reading “BREATHTAKING HEARTACHE”

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FEEL?

I am aware, and on many occasions, reminded that I need to learn to regulate my emotions. This is unfortunately something that I never learned as a child. Growing up in a home where you had to bury your emotions made it very difficult to understand them. I was not allowed to show sadness orContinue reading “WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FEEL?”

SELF SABOTAGE

Part of healing is taking a hard, honest look inside to identify thoughts and behaviors that are standing in the way of change. I know how difficult this can be because I am currently in the midst of it. I am actually redoing my fourth and fifth step in AA not because I have relapsedContinue reading “SELF SABOTAGE”

A NEW WAY TO LOOK AT MYSELF

I have looked at myself in a very dark way for most my life. I adopted the narrative that was provided for me at a very young age, and I held onto that. It has come to my attention and been made clear to me in these last months that I need to do awayContinue reading “A NEW WAY TO LOOK AT MYSELF”

YOU’RE THE ONE I TRUST

I wish people understood that when someone opens up to them, it really is about trust. For the better part of my life, I trusted no one. The trauma and abuse I suffered throughout childhood and early adulthood made me shut myself off from the outside world and I honestly did not believe I couldContinue reading “YOU’RE THE ONE I TRUST”