life – The Parentless Parent

TIRED OF MAKING MYSELF SMALL

Seems that I have spent my whole life making myself into whatever it was that I thought would allow me to be noticed, to be worthy, and to be lovable and I am done doing that now. I have made myself weak, helpless, sick, perfect, thin, obedient and so many more things that I didn’tContinue reading “TIRED OF MAKING MYSELF SMALL”

SILENTLY SUFFERING

I often wonder what it would feel like to be surrounded by people who care and have people to turn to for support in times of difficulty. I have mastered the art of surviving on my own as well as alone, but I do wonder how it would feel if that wasn’t the case. IContinue reading “SILENTLY SUFFERING”

BREATHTAKING HEARTACHE

Being a parent has to be the hardest thing one can do. If it doesn’t pain you then I don’t think you’re doing it right. The older your babies get, the harder it is and the more you realize you have no idea what you’re doing. When they are little, the worries are kind ofContinue reading “BREATHTAKING HEARTACHE”

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FEEL?

I am aware, and on many occasions, reminded that I need to learn to regulate my emotions. This is unfortunately something that I never learned as a child. Growing up in a home where you had to bury your emotions made it very difficult to understand them. I was not allowed to show sadness orContinue reading “WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FEEL?”

A NEW WAY TO LOOK AT MYSELF

I have looked at myself in a very dark way for most my life. I adopted the narrative that was provided for me at a very young age, and I held onto that. It has come to my attention and been made clear to me in these last months that I need to do awayContinue reading “A NEW WAY TO LOOK AT MYSELF”

I AM SO MUCH MORE

This quote hits home for me. There are so many horrible events that people could define me by and for the better part of my life I believe they did. For the better part of my life, I believe I was doing the same thing to myself, making it hard for others to see beyondContinue reading “I AM SO MUCH MORE”

TIME TO OPEN SOME DOORS

I started closing doors at a very young age because of the abuse that I was enduring and slowly I shut myself off from the outside world because I couldn’t trust it. I stopped trying to build friendships, stopped trying new activities, sometimes I even stopped going outside of my house for weeks at aContinue reading “TIME TO OPEN SOME DOORS”