IT’S TIME

I have let it hurt for far too long! It’s definitely time to let it go! After a really long and trying year of trauma work, physical illness, personal setbacks, and a lot of pain, I am feeling ready to let some of it go and learn to breathe again. Holding onto it is definitely not serving me but instead making things far more difficult than they need to be.

When you think about it, life is an amazing journey that is sometimes beyond one’s comprehension. We awaken each day with a clean slate really, and what we do with it is entirely up to us. Sure, there are things that might enter into the day that we have no control over. We do; however, have control over how we respond, how we think, feel or behave. We have an opportunity to learn and grow each and every day and that is kind of exciting, really.

Today is my youngest of six children’s birthday and she turns twenty. I remember the day she was born. My water broke and this being my sixth child, I headed to the hospital. My contractions never started and had to be medically induced. It would be an entire day before she made her appearance. It was difficult as my sister-in-law was there, but my now deceased ex-husband was not. It was emotional and to add to that I immediately knew something was wrong. It would be six long stressful months before a preliminary diagnosis and a full year before an official diagnosis of Mitochondrial Disease.

Our journey would be difficult to say the least. The first several years of her life would be spent in and out of the hospital. We would have physical, occupational and speech therapy four days a week. She would have a feeding tube placed, countless surgeries and global delays. I almost lost her once; she was granted a Make A Wish and would learn sign language initially. I was on more than one occasion, told that her life expectancy was far less than mine. Every birthday she had was a miracle and an absolute gift.

I would spend these last years watching the strength this child has and see her go on to walk and talk, attend school, become a dancer, a cheerleader, a baseball player and a violinist. None of it was easy for her and she would trade the activities and experience for a great deal. Physical and emotional pain with severe fatigue plagued her after such activities. She would endure ridicule as others did not see the disease outwardly therefore lacking understanding or empathy for her. I would fight the school system for help and engage in many battles on her behalf. I would be blessed to see her go to prom and graduate high school; albeit it a year late.

And here we are today, twenty wonderful and amazing trips around the sun with this amazing, smart, strong and compassionate child. It made me realize that she more often than not has more strength than I. I want to honor her strength by gaining more of my own. I have been weak and afraid to let go of my past; the traumas and pain, because I didn’t know who I would be if I did. It’s time to let go and be the amazing mom that this child and my other five children deserve. It’s time to set an example that our worth is not defined by our past nor our mistakes but in simply being humans. It is time to show them that life can still be amazing despite the difficulties that we experience.

God has blessed me with another wonderful day, and I owe it to myself as well as those I love to enjoy it to its fullest!