Category Archives: Uncategorized

When I was six years old, the middle of my kindergarten year, my family moved from our two bedroom apartment to a three bedroom rental house. I remember being so happy to finally get my own room because up until then, my brother and I had been sharing. I was sad, though, to have toContinue reading “The Cherry Tree Saved Me”

I have a fear of small spaces and being closed into any space without a knowing that I can easily escape. When I was a very small girl, maybe eight or so I would be locked in closets by an uncle. I remember how dark it was and how scared I was. He lived withContinue reading “LOCKED IN A CLOSET”

Getting sober six years ago I was terrified. I did not know how I would be able to live without drugs or alcohol, my armor from all that frightened me. I had no idea that there would be so much more to sobriety than just putting the substance down. I would have to relearn howContinue reading “NOT JUST THE ABCENCE OF THE DRINK”

I was in my twenties, married with a few of my six children. My oldest was a preteen. I was not happy. I had married because I thought that was what I was supposed to do, and I was raising my oldest on my own. We got married when she was three and soon hadContinue reading “I CAN’T BREATHE”

I learned to control my eating when I was around fourteen. My life was completely out of my control, and I gained comfort from being able to control my eating. When I was fifteen, I starved myself to the point that I went into convulsions. You would have thought that incident would scare me enoughContinue reading “FIGHTING WITH FOOD”

Coming home to an empty house is a blessing sometimes. There’s no need to feel accountable to the chores waiting, since no kids are home to see me avoiding them. There’s no need to be present to the kids and feel the need to pay attention to their stories or whether or not they hadContinue reading “WHEN YOU WONDER WHY”

I was jolted out of bed about two hours after falling asleep last night due to a horrific nightmare I was having. I tried to open my eyes and focus in the darkness on the fact that I was in the safety of my own room and not back at the hotel where I wasContinue reading “SOUL CRUSHING PAIN”

Oh, what a time it was. I was independent, raising my daughter and working at a job I really liked and was good at. I had some great friends that were also coworkers and life didn’t seem too bad despite how it was up until then. It was New Years Eve, and I was headedContinue reading “NEW YEAR’S EVE GONE WRONG”

Do you ever see your life in your mind as a movie? There’s maybe even music? Is it a comedy? Maybe a romance? Perhaps your movie changes gears from sweet and funny to sad to hilarious to a magical ending. The music is so uplifting and makes you smile. The movie brings back your fondestContinue reading “IS IT FOR ME?”

When you look at me, can you see all my scars? Do you see each brutal attack etched into my heart? Do you realize that those giant brick walls erected all around me were built over many years and each one of those bricks comes with a story. It’s lonely behind those walls but equallyContinue reading “WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME?”

I remember it like it was yesterday, the sun coming in the front kitchen window as my mother cornered me in the kitchen to hit me again. I was 17 years old and had been beaten since I could form my earliest memory at four. The belt was my mothers favorite weapon and using theContinue reading “CORNERED FOR THE LAST TIME”

Lately it has been difficult because I am working through some childhood trauma and with that comes the realization of how much of my life I lost. I am astounded by how many things I missed out on as a child from the simple things like a hug to the huge ones like food, clothingContinue reading “Struggling”

Ending todays Skype session with my therapist reminded me that it is now time for me. I spent the last ten years in therapy and six years in recovery working on the external. I worked hard on my sobriety and changing my behaviors and alcoholic thinking. I worked on finding a career and becoming financiallyContinue reading “MY TIME”

It was another scheduled therapy session and I hated it. I hated my therapist and was just done with it all. I had been through so many therapists that I could no longer keep track of how many I had had. I went in and essentially lost my shit. I was crying and yelling thatContinue reading “That First Meeting”

Time goes so fast sometimes and other times painfully slow. I haven’t written in forever and have found myself caught up in the daily grind and forgetting about myself and my needs. Today I had a long-needed conversation with my amazing therapist despite her still being in Denmark. It’s so difficult for us to connectContinue reading “Momentarily Lost”